Monday, March 16, 2009

What is it with Paper and Danger??

Being the mother of six young children, I am always in a state of awe and wonderment at the point that each of my children have fallen in love...in fact, become obsessed...with two things.
Paper and danger.
This has occurred with all six children at around the ages of 8 months to maybe...well, I'll have to do a future study on this one. It is like their palate has honed in on the flavor, texture, and otherwise utter blissful 'mouth-feel' of.....drumroll....paper. Yes, folks. Paper. That bland nasty white or colored stuff made out of trees that have been pulverized, chemicals added, and rolled out to a fine sheet. It ranks number one at our house in toddler dietary requirement. There is always some type of paper in Kaitlyn's mouth and she will pull on shelves, heedless of any danger (also a love of toddlers at my house) for.....paper. It's like I can read her mind..."Love paper. Must have paper." If there is paper in a fifty foot radius of her, she will do everything to get it into her mouth.
My husband always laughs...and winces...as the comics come out....well....you know.
Another thing highly desired is danger. It's like her guardian angel is checking us to be sure we are on our toes. If there is a set of stairs to climb, a shelf to pull, or a needle in a haystack...a baby will find it. Lost something small, metal, and sharp? Just put a crawling child on the floor and you will have it in mere minutes. They are like human metal deteators. And when they find it, you better be alert, because it will go right into the mouth. Amazing.
Recently, one of my other kids spilled a bunch of my mother's straight pins on the floor. All five of my children looked all over the floor (and myself and my mother) for at least half an hour to find them all. Wouldn't you know it, but every time we saw Katie, she had another we all had missed in her hands.
Mike did an experiment where he laid out a bunch of her bright and shiny toys in front of her and placed his Swiss Army Knife in there randomly (closed, of course) and sat Kate in front of the array of items. She quickly scanned the items and immediately grabbed the knife.
Scary...
Hmmm....I wonder if paper has any nutritional value......

Friday, March 6, 2009

You've Gotta Laugh..

To say that our life is mildly crazy right now, is an understatement. Sometimes, however, exhaustion can take on something more exciting, like a poor imitation of The Three Stooges.
Yesterday morning, Mike was getting ready to walk out the door...and I was ready to take the rest of the coffee and down the whole thing directly from the pot...when I looked over and saw that he was juggling school books, a to-go cup of coffee(yikes!), and a garbage bag of trash. 
So being 'wifey', I went over to open both doors (kitchen and breezeway) so he could get to the garage without dying his white shirt brown. 
Here's where the fun starts...did I mention I was not quite awake yet?
I get through the first door okay, but I was in this gargantuan robe and as I opened the second door so Mike could step around me, I catch the robe on the trash bag he's hauling. This causes Mike to stumble and whack into the door. I tried to grab the coffee, which knocked an umbrella that was resting against the wall over onto the floor. So, as Mike recovers from his first whack and steps through the door, I grab the umbrella (I am vexed by now so I jerk it up off the ground) and unfortunately the umbrella catches the door and I whack Mike AGAIN now with the corner of the door in the side of the head. He drops the trash bag, but somehow manages to save the coffee and school books....and his schoolbooks from the coffee...well, both were saved from his ever-graceful wife.
Mike just sighs and looks at me.
Then smiles and kisses his "Oh-So-Helpful" wife.
Sigh....
Well, I at least I didn't spill the coffee all over him.........
Yet.
So, I did what any rational woman would do. I went back into the house and chugged the coffee directly out of the pot.